When I first met the man who later became my boyfriend, he told me “If I ever become a father, I want half of the paternity leave”. I was ready to marry him then and there. Finding a man – even in the liberal and equal Denmark – who wants to take on at least half of the responsibility for the children, can be hard. I knew he was a keeper.
Why child care is just for women in Denmark
Let me just fill you in on the situation in Denmark. We had the first law on maternity leave in 1901 granting women working in the industry the right to four weeks of maternity leave including social benefits and excluding the stigma of the help for the poor (which would strip you from your democratic rights). Quite a breakthrough. In 1908 women were granted child custody over their own children (until then the father had the sole custody over the children, and the mother were not even considered to be a sovereign individual until 1899). The maternity leave was gradually expanded to cover all women and cover a longer period. Not until 1984 were men specifically included in the legislative framework on parental leave.
We had our last law on parental leave in 2002 expanding it to 12 months separated as this: The mother is granted 4 weeks before the birth and 14 weeks after. The father is granted 2 weeks. The remaining 32 weeks are to be shared between the parents as they see fit.
It’s not enough to talk the talk
Back to my boyfriend and me. One thing is having the right opinions. Another thing is sticking to them when life puts them to the test.
As any average academia couple, we haven’t gotten around to having children yet. Statistically we ought to. Both of us passed the 25 year-mark several years ago and the last time I went to my gynecologist, there was a printed abstract from a new research showing that the ability to reproduce decreases rapidly after 25. Thank you very much. But my ovaries are really none of your business.
I have many friends who have had the idea of sharing the parental leave equally. Then life happened, and for a number of reasons it just seemed more fit to let the mother have the majority of the leave. Maybe her job was more flexible, her paycheck smaller and hence the difference in income for the family less, or it just felt better that way.
The average Danish father has 4 weeks of paternity leave. So much for letting the families split the 32 weeks among them. 2 for daddy and 30 for mommy.
But this is not a family issue. This is societal structures keeping mothers and fathers in old fashioned roles within the family
Uneven parental leave affects the father…
When fathers don’t spend much time with their newborns it not only affects the bond between father and child it also affects the fathers’ position vis-à-vis the mother in the eyes of the law. Having most of the parental leaves often expands into having most of the child’s sick leave days and participating in more parent-school-conversations and the like.
If the parents gets divorced and ends up fighting over the custody of their children the decision will often be based upon which parent have the strongest ties to the child – which can be argued is rather subjective. But one thing which can be calculated and objectified is the number of weeks on parental leave and the number of child sick leave days.
Therefore, fathers often loose the fight for child custody. If the parental leave was split more evenly so would the child custody.
…and the working mother
The consequences for the mother are just as severe. Having longer parental leave with one or more children highly affects the connections to the labor market, and thereby jeopardizing female career advancements. Studies show that men who take longer parental leaves are rewarded with higher pay or promotion while women are placed at the back of the line after a long parental leave.
Furthermore, the retirement savings of women are smaller because they are connected to years of employment and the lifetime income of women are considerable smaller than that of men due to longer periods of parental leave. The inequality created through old fashioned and uneven parental leave law has ripple effects on the entirety of the lives of mothers.
The societal expectations grant young men a head start
Let us make a thought experiment: Let us assume that the academical background and experiences of my boyfriend and I were the same: exactly the same merits. And we were to apply for the same position. Would we have equal opportunity of getting the job? We should have.
But in reality, the employer would favor my boyfriend over me because of the expectation that my boyfriend is less likely to take a large amount of the parental leave when we have children. Economically probably very rational. But very unfair.
This inherent expectation in employers is giving young men a head-start on the labor market and creating an unfair disadvantage for women.
A reformation of the current law guaranteeing both the father and the mother one third of the parental leave and leaving one third to be shared would definitely increase fathers share of parental leave and child care.
My boyfriend and I are ready to fight with his former boss for his right to take half of the parental leave. But it would be great to have a legislative framework as support in that battle.
Disclaimer: This essay only focuses on the issues around parental leave concerning hetero parents. If we take same sex couples and rainbow families into account, the number of problems with the Danish law on parental leaves arises drastically.